Ghost Detectors Volume 1 Read online

  “What are you doing?” Dandy asked, spraying cracker crumbs.

  “Getting rid of my sister.” Malcolm took a clear beaker and filled it with vinegar. Then he poured in an entire bottle of blue food coloring. After that he grabbed a handful of white powder.

  Dandy took a step back and held his nose.

  “Don’t worry,” Malcolm said. “It’s not another stink bomb. It’s baking soda. When I say now, you jump.”

  Malcolm put the beaker on the counter and waited until Cocoa was totally engrossed in her performance. Then, he tossed the baking soda into the beaker. Blue foam boiled up.

  “Ahhhhhhhh!” Malcolm screamed, slapping both hands to his face.

  Cocoa clicked off the CD player in a panic. “What is it?”

  Malcolm’s eyes grew wide with fake fear. “Ahhhhh! I put in the wrong chemical,” Malcolm shouted. “The whole basement is going to blow. Run! Now!”

  Dandy turned to run, but Malcolm grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. “Now!”

  The two boys jumped high, and came down right in the middle of the Bubble Wrap. It exploded in one earsplitting bang.

  Cocoa screamed and flew up the stairs, barely touching a single step. Malcolm and Dandy burst into wild laughter as Malcolm ran up and locked the basement door.

  Cocoa jiggled the knob, shouting, “I won’t forget this, dweeb!”

  Then Malcolm turned to Dandy. “Now I can show you the greatest gadget in the world.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHECK IT OUT!

  “Be very careful,” Malcolm said. He reached in the box and removed the specter detector with the care of a surgeon.

  Dandy’s eyes grew wide. “You’re not going to point that thing at me, are you?”

  “Why would I point it at you?” Malcolm said. “You’re alive.”

  “Yeah, and I’d like to stay that way!”

  “Dandy, do you have any idea what this is?” Malcolm’s chest swelled with pride.

  Dandy grinned. “Did you make something out of Cocoa’s blow-dryer?”

  “No. It’s not a blow-dryer. It’s my Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive-Laser-Enhanced Specter Detector. It’s for hunting ghosts!”

  “Cool!” Dandy said. “Does it work?”

  Malcolm shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried it out yet.”

  “Turn it on,” Dandy said, reaching for the switch.

  “Wait!” Malcolm hugged the specter detector close to keep Dandy’s hands off. “I think this time we should read the instructions.”

  Dandy nodded. “Good idea.”

  Malcolm grabbed a small piece of paper out of the box. In bold letters across the top were the words, WARNING: For Serious Ghost Hunters Only!

  No one was more serious about this than Malcolm. He kept reading.

  “What does that mean?” Dandy asked.

  Malcolm shrugged. “It just means you have to be a serious ghost hunter.”

  Dandy rubbed his nose. “Then why don’t they just say so?”

  “If there’s a ghost around, it’ll let you know,” Malcolm translated.

  “It has to warm up,” Malcolm said.

  Dandy looked at Malcolm like a kid lost in a department store. “Huh?”

  “It’ll make a noise,” Malcolm said.

  “We’re not professionals,” Dandy said.

  Malcolm gave him a sour look. “Speak for yourself.”

  Dandy picked his nose and rubbed his finger on his shirt. “Okay, let’s try it out.”

  “It’s not that easy,” Malcolm said. “We have to decide where we’re going to try it.”

  “How about right here?” Dandy suggested.

  Malcolm laughed out loud. “Here? You think there’d be ghosts around here? Come on, Dandy. The scariest thing around here is Grandma Eunice when she takes her teeth out at night.”

  “Then where are we going to find ghosts?” Dandy asked.

  Malcolm dropped down on his bottom, right in the middle of the floor, and crossed his legs. He was careful to hold the specter detector with both hands. “That’s what we have to figure out.”

  Dandy squatted down next to him and said, “How about the library?”

  “Why the library?” Malcolm asked.

  “I heard that sometimes the books drop off their shelves by themselves for no reason!”

  “Dandy, that rumor was started by Mrs. Crutchmeyer. She’s a lonely old librarian who will say anything to get people to come check out books.”

  Dandy just grunted in agreement. Malcolm suddenly had an idea.

  “I’ve got it!” Malcolm jumped up and hurriedly put the specter detector in a drawer.

  “What?” Dandy asked, still sitting.

  “The McBleaky house!”

  “No!” Dandy shot up off the floor. “No way!”

  “Can you think of a better place?” Malcolm argued. “There’s no doubt that it’s haunted. Everyone knows it.”

  “And everyone stays away,” Dandy added.

  “Be a coward, I don’t care,” Malcolm said. “But I’m going there right now to check it out.”

  Malcolm headed toward the stairs, then looked back at Dandy. “Are you coming, or would you rather stay here and watch my sister hop around like a kangaroo with the chicken pox?”

  Dandy stood for a moment considering. “Let’s go,” he finally said.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE FREAKY MCBLEAKY HOUSE

  Malcolm and Dandy snuck out the back and raced around to the front. They ran down the sidewalk, their sneakers pounding hard on the hot concrete.

  After two blocks, Malcolm decided it was safe to slow down and walk, but he still hurried. He hadn’t had this much fun since he invented a windshield wiper for his safety goggles with Cocoa’s toothbrush.

  The midday traffic hummed as the boys walked toward town. But instead of turning left on Main Street, they turned right and headed uphill, away from the buzz of the community.

  Malcolm could see the McBleaky house, standing gray and gloomy up ahead. And the closer they got, the slower they walked, Dandy lagging several steps behind.

  “Maybe I should wait here,” Dandy said. “I wouldn’t want to scare off any of the ghosts.”

  Malcolm gave him a look. “You couldn’t scare a flea off a dog’s behind. Keep walking.”

  Dandy crept slowly behind Malcolm, then shouted, “Wait!”

  Malcolm nearly jumped out of his jeans. “Don’t give me a heart attack like that! What’s wrong?”

  “You didn’t bring the ghost detector.”

  Malcolm exhaled a barrel full of nervous air. “I know. We’re just scoping the place out right now. Besides it’s pointless to try and detect a ghost during the day. Don’t you watch horror movies? They only come out at night.”

  “So when do you plan to look for ghosts?” Dandy asked.

  Malcolm grinned. “Tonight.”

  Dandy turned a sickly shade of white. “A-alone?”

  “Don’t be silly,” Malcolm said. “You’re spending the night tonight.”

  Dandy’s face drooped. “Tonight?”

  “Don’t be such a baby. Let’s go.”

  Malcolm and Dandy walked up to the crumbling picket fence. It was an awesome sight. Even in the middle of summer, the trees looked dead and mossy. The weeds were taller than the first floor windows, and the second story of the house sagged. The top windows reminded Malcolm of sleepy eyes, waiting and watching.

  Malcolm stepped onto the creaky McBleaky porch. He grinned.

  “Dandy,” he whispered to his jittery friend, “a creaky porch is a definite sign of a haunted house.”

  A cottony cobweb guarded the front door. “Bingo,” Malcolm said. “Another sure sign.”

  And when he opened the squeaky McBleaky door, he knew he couldn’t have picked a better place. Malcolm was sure that nothing was living here. But just as they were about to step in, two hands grabbed their shoulders. Malcolm and Dandy whipped around with a scream.

&
nbsp; “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” A most hideous monster stood inches away!

  “I’m going to tell Mom you came here,” Cocoa said, pursing her lips.

  It took Malcolm a few seconds to catch his breath. “You followed us!”

  “That’s right,” Cocoa said. “I told you I’d pay you back. Now you’re in big trouble, mister.”

  “Well, if I’m in trouble then so are you. You’re here too.” Malcolm gave Cocoa a smug grin.

  “Not if I tell Mom that I followed you because I knew you were up to something,” Cocoa said.

  “And I’ll tell Mom that you don’t mind your own business,” Malcolm argued.

  Cocoa pressed her fists to her hips. “I’ll tell Mom that you could have been killed out here, and I was only doing it for your own good.”

  “I’ll tell Mom that I saw you kissing Carson O’Donnell behind the school last week.”

  Cocoa gasped and covered her mouth. “You didn’t see that,” she whispered.

  “Yes, I did,” Malcolm said. “And you’re just lucky I haven’t told Mom before now.”

  Cocoa stood up tall and raised her nose in the air. “Fine. I won’t say anything if you won’t.”

  “Fine,” Malcolm said. “Now go away.”

  Cocoa stepped off the rickety porch and pushed through the tall weeds. She looked back and yelled, “But you better bring back my blow-dryer!”

  Once she was gone, Dandy shook his head. “Your sister is weird.”

  Malcolm nodded. “But not as weird as this old house. It’s perfect. We’re definitely coming back tonight.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  GRANNY-SITTING

  Malcolm sat with his family at dinner that evening, but his mind was on ghost detecting. Everyone was unusually quiet. Dad had the TV blaring from the living room so he could hear the six o’clock news. Malcolm saw his chance to launch Step One of his ghost-hunting plan.

  “Mom, can Dandy spend the night?”

  “Of course,” Mom said. “He can keep you company while you watch Grandma Eunice.”

  The spaghetti in Malcolm’s mouth suddenly tasted like lead. “I’m watching Grandma Eunice tonight?”

  “It’s just for a few hours,” Mom said.

  “Why can’t Cocoa watch her?”

  Mom laid down her fork. “Because Cocoa is going with me.”

  “Why can’t I go?” Malcolm asked. He didn’t really want to go anywhere with them, but he wanted to protest.

  Mom sighed and lifted her fork again. “You can go if you think you’ll enjoy shopping for Cocoa’s new dress.”

  Cocoa wrinkled her nose and smirked at him.

  Malcolm wouldn’t give up. “Why can’t Dad watch Grandma?”

  “Bowling night,” Dad said, shoveling spaghetti into his mouth.

  Malcolm sank in his chair. It was useless. He looked over at Grandma Eunice, who didn’t seem to notice they were talking about her. She had a large napkin tucked in her collar, and there appeared to be more spaghetti on her chin and fingers than on her plate.

  He spoke to her in a defeated voice. “I’m staying with you tonight, Grandma Eunice.”

  She gave him a tomatoey grin. “That’s nice.”

  His plan to sneak back to the McBleaky house might not work after all.

  That evening, Grandma Eunice sat on the edge of the sofa, watching an old black-and-white TV show. Dandy was lying on the floor, using Cocoa’s blow-dryer to balance a ping-pong ball. The ball floated on the steady jet of warm air—a trick Malcolm had shown him a few weeks ago.

  Malcolm was stretched out on the other end of the couch, tapping the toes of his sneakers together out of pure boredom. He looked at his watch. Eight thirty. What time did the mall close, anyway? Knowing Mom and Cocoa, they’d stop off for a soda or ice cream afterward. And Dad wouldn’t be home until after eleven o’clock.

  Dandy shut off the blow-dryer and let the ping-pong ball drop. It dribbled across the floor, then rolled into the corner. “When can we go?” he asked.

  Malcolm sat up. “We may not be able to go at all tonight. I don’t think I can sneak out if it’s very late.”

  Grandma Eunice threw her head back and laughed at something on TV.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this in front of your great-grandmother,” Dandy whispered, pointing her way.

  “It’s okay,” Malcolm said. “She doesn’t know what’s going on.”

  “Oh well,” Dandy said. “I don’t want to go to that house at night anyway. That place was scary enough in the daylight.”

  “I just have to go,” Malcolm said. “And I’m taking my camera. If my specter detector can really detect a ghost, I might be able to capture it on film.”

  Grandma Eunice laughed again, this time slapping her leg. A bit of drool rolled down the corner of her face.

  “Maybe there’s another house we could test it out on,” Dandy suggested.

  Malcolm shook his head furiously. “No, it has to be the McBleaky house!”

  Suddenly the television shut off. Malcolm looked over at Grandma Eunice. She sat with the remote still extended in her hand. Her face looked young and bright, and her eyes were lit like someone half her age. “You don’t want to go there,” she said.

  Malcolm leaned toward her and looked her in the eyes. “Grandma?”

  “You don’t want to go to the McBleaky house,” Grandma Eunice warned. “It’s not fit for any living soul, especially little boys.”

  Malcolm couldn’t believe it. His great-grandmother had some wits about her after all. “How do you know about the McBleaky house?” he asked, still not convinced she was totally all there.

  “Because I knew Old Man McBleaky himself. And I know what happened in that house.”

  “What?” Malcolm and Dandy asked, huddling together.

  Grandma Eunice moved in closer to the boys. “It all started about 80 years ago . . .”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THE TALE

  Malcolm and Dandy leaned toward Grandma Eunice. Her eyes looked distant. Not like before when she was in another world, but like she was remembering.

  She continued, “The McBleakys built that house in the 1920s. They had two boys, Howard and Herbert. Howard was the serious one, always worried about school and his paper route. Herbert was the joker. He made Howard’s life miserable, constantly putting dead flies in his ice cubes or fishing string across the bottom of his doorway. Howard hated it. He swore he’d get Herbert back one day.

  “Their parents were killed when they were young men. Their mother was struck by lightning while hanging out the wash, and their dad caught it in a tractor accident. Both within just a couple of months of each other.

  “The boys were left alone in that house, but they were old enough to look after themselves. Everyone thought that with the parents gone Herbert would straighten up and get serious. No sir. He kept right on pulling those awful jokes on his brother.

  “But then Herbert up and kicked the bucket himself. No one ever knew the true cause of his death. But Neb Fuller, the barber, overheard Howard whispering at the funeral, ‘Guess I got the last laugh.’

  “Within a few days, Howard started coming into town, his eyes all red and bloodshot, his face weary and tired. ‘What’s wrong, Howard?’ people would ask. He’d just lift his heavy head and say, ‘Can’t sleep.’

  “Then he started aging real fast. He became bitter and frail. He’d hobble around town shaking his fist and hollering at folks. People stayed out of his way.

  “One day, I saw a crowd by the fence of the McBleaky house. An ambulance was parked in front, and two men in white coats were hauling Howard out the door. He was dressed in nothing but his boxer shorts. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, ‘I can’t take it anymore! He’s still playing tricks on me!’ It was a pitiful sight.

  “After that, no one’s been able to stay in that house. Not one living soul. Herbert’s ghost is still there, and he’s as loony as ever. So I suggest you and your friend here find another
place to try out your ghost gadget.”

  Malcolm blinked. Was he dreaming?

  “Grandma Eunice, I can’t believe it. You still have all your marbles!”

  “Yes, sir,” she said, tapping a crooked finger to her head. “They’re all right here.”

  “Then why are you always pretending to be on Planet Weird?”

  Grandma Eunice laughed. “I act the way I’m treated. I tried to convince your mother a long time ago that I’m sane. But for some reason, she and everyone else wants to treat me like I’m one banana short of a bunch. I just go along with it to make them happy. Besides, it keeps me from having to take a turn doing the dishes.”

  Malcolm couldn’t resist. He reached over and gave Grandma Eunice a hug.

  “Now,” she said, “why don’t you and Alfred here go on to your laboratory and find something fun to do? I’m okay.”

  Malcolm and Dandy hopped up and headed out of the room.

  “And Malcolm, honey,” Grandma Eunice called out, “try not to talk about me while I’m in the room.”

  When he looked back, she winked and smiled.

  CHAPTER NINE

  SNEAKING OUT—SNEAKING IN

  Grandma Eunice’s story was meant as a warning. But, it just confirmed what Malcolm already knew. The McBleaky house was definitely haunted!

  Malcolm’s luck was running high. His mom and sister came home early, and Mom went straight to bed, complaining of a headache.

  The two boys took their sleeping bags to the basement, claiming they’d sleep down in the lab. Malcolm locked the basement door and pulled out a backpack he’d packed that afternoon.

  “What’s in there?” Dandy asked.

  “Everything we’ll need to detect a ghost,” Malcolm answered.

  “Don’t we just need the specter detector?”

  Malcolm rolled his eyes. “And a flashlight and a tape recorder and a camera.”